The Guilty Conscience
How often have we done something that we have later felt guilty about? A client called because the man she was dating had said something that she felt indicated he didn’t trust her. When I reminded her that she had done something that she was out of integrity with, she realized that her reaction was based on her guilt and fear that he would find out about what she had done. Her guilt was interpreting his comments and creating a situation that was not based on the reality of their relationship but on the guilt she was feeling.
There is a risk of guilt when we engage in behavior that violates some standard of behavior or thinking we or others have created. The extent to which these standards are incorporated into our thinking determines whether we will feel guilty or not. When we keep secrets from others, hide our true intentions or act in ways that serve us instead of others, we are in conflict with these standards of behavior and must decide whether we will be honest and in integrity or say that we will act within the standards and secretly do something else.
When we realize that these standards limit our ability to be who we are, to live life the way we want to or to be honest about our feelings, we feel guilty. What will the other person think or say, how will they act and what will they do? When we feel we have something to gain or lose in the situation we will be conflicted in our thinking. How can we act in ways that serve everyone? Since that is not always possible, we will do what we feel we need to do and then live with the guilt.
Wouldn’t it be easy if we could be honest about what we think and feel with everyone? It would make life so much easier but that is not always the case. Everyone has their own agenda and we have complex roles in each others’ lives that make simple honesty a difficult choice. We can avoid having a guilty conscience by setting our boundaries, deciding on the standards of behavior we will choose and look at the role expectations, ours and others’, play in the decisions and choices we make. This week I am challenging you to be in integrity with yourself, to look at the guilt you carry and to decide whether you will live with a guilty conscience or walk in the freedom of living the life you choose powerfully.
Shame on You
Our journey to awakening can bring up some very painful issues that are buried deeply within our heart and soul. These are the difficult emotional situations we have experienced in our lifetime, the ones that we know are there but it is easier to leave them buried than to face them again. While we may think that if we ignore them they do not affect us, that is not true. They subtly appear in our lives in many different ways, reminding us of our unworthiness and shortcomings. The most destructive, subtle and difficult of these is shame.
The shame experience can either be real or imagined, where someone says or does something that creates shame within us or we imagine that the response to our actions will cause us to be humiliated or embarrassed. Where guilt is a response to an action, shame is a reflection on who we are and is generally do to something that others do to us. And with it arises all of our fears about not being valued, loved, worthy or perfect. Shame goes to the core of who we are as a person and causes us to question our right to be.
Since we are shamed by those whose acceptance and opinions matter to us, the rejection creates a double whammy in our life. We are dismissed for what we have done and who we are. No matter when our first shame experience occurs, it resonates throughout our life, affecting how we interact with others because it has changed how we view ourselves. Our confidence can be destroyed, our self image shattered and our life path altered. Being shamed even once can create a lifetime of avoiding any expression of our talents and gifts where we can risk being shamed again.
Why would we choose such a difficult life lesson? Because lessons in power always begin with powerlessness and shame issues have their basis in past life and karmic sources. Can we remember that shame gives us insight into our healing instead of the wound we must heal? Do you remember the first time you felt shamed? Can you see how it resonates throughout your life? Are you ready to work through it now so you can remember that you are worthy, lovable, powerful and deserving of all of life’s blessings? Don’t allow your shame to convince you that you are unworthy or undeserving of the wonderful blessings that are yours by divine right so you can powerfully move beyond it to reclaim your power.
